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june

Well I didn't intend to update, but some kid who will remain nameless posted an entry that it turns out I can't delete. So! Short update, why not.

1. Pretty much nothing exciting has happened.
2. Well, unless you want to hear about the Rocket, who can walk, say "bye bye" "meow" and "daddy" and I think she tried to neigh today when we were looking at a horse. She likes: long walks around the park, posting tanbark into all available places, sautéed mushrooms and grapes. She's super awesome and real funny.
3. I turned 31! Consulting with a friend in my mothers group who has her birthday in the same week as me, we have decided we're already better parents than ours were because we didn't have children in frickin winter.
4. Who has a good dhal recipe? I tried to make some and it was boring.
5. Oh god the Rocket has babycinos when we go out to cafes it is the cutest.
6. School holidays start next week! Oh god I am going to achieve so little when Chris is on holiday.

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april

I got another tattoo at the start of the month. Even though it's my most obvious piece of work, going from wrist to elbow, it feels the most like it was meant to be there than any others have before. I don't think it's just that it's a rocket. But maybe it is.

I'm on a bit of a down at the moment. I feel very insecure. I worry about my speech patterns and my weight. I worry I'm not very interesting, or funny, or clever. I worry I look frumpy and misshapen.

I don't worry about my Rocket. She's learning to walk. She clicks her new teeth together and can point out her tummy and nose and face. She can pull a plug out of a sink, dry her face on a towel, and switch off lights. She takes herself off to read in a corner. I taught her how to shrug innocently and grin. She puts her arms around my neck and squeezes and kisses me. She also hugs toys and strange children.

Things aren't so bad. It was a bad weekend though, even though I did nice things and saw Iron Man 3 and it passed the Bechdel Test.

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well then

So LJ seems a bit of an empty ship at the moment. Before I had the Rocket I really spent too much time here, following communities and getting agitated about any old thing. Now I save my agitation for real life things, and I'm surprised to find that in my own world, there's not as much to get angry about as there was when I took on the collective rage of the world.

The Rocket will be one in less than a month. Now when I see babies I feel less like I can understand them. She can crawl - fast - and can put things in other things with purpose. She eats people food now and will hoover down anything I offer her. She sleeps most nights in our bed after her 1am internal wake up call as it's the only way we get any sleep of our own. She is real funny, loves to climb over us and be upside down and laugh; she flicks through books relentlessly and loves blocks and plastic balls and swimming pools. She is still very small and I can't help but worry even though I am very small too. Some of her friends are four kilos heavier than her.

We moved house, two train stations further east and $25 a week more. This new place has a third bedroom to throw all our crap in and so much more natural light than our previous cave that I feel like a new person. There are ceiling fans in our bedrooms and the air con in the lounge is like a blast from the Arctic. There's ducted heating I'm expecting to worship in winter. We share our back wall with another person, but she is very nice and has yet to complain about the babies and guitars.

I'm at work two days a week. I've done a few management shifts. I chased a thief. I served Kimbra a few times but otherwise the star-spotting is at a three-year low. On Sundays I knock off at 3 so Chris and the Rocket come meet me and we eat ice creams in the park.

My father had another heart attack, but is home and well, though slower. My sister B was diagnosed with breast cancer just before christmas and has had two rounds of surgery with chemo or radiotherapy or both to follow. She is thirty-eight and if I think about it too much, I can't concentrate on anything else.

I am very lucky. If I think back on the weeks after I had the Rocket, I feel like some beautiful soft times were stripped away from me because the birth was hard and I hurt for so long afterwards. Breastfeeding was not the spiritual experience I hoped for either, and now when she is cranky - not necessarily hungry - she claws at my shirt and screams and I have to put her down and walk away. I think I'll wean her soon. I am so very glad for her.

Today we will go and meet my friend for a picnic on the State Library lawn. We'll catch the train and she'll paw at the window and smile at everyone nearby. Later, on the grass, she'll point at the pigeons as they dance around her. I am always a better mother when we're outside.

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i am here for you my friends

After getting tired of all the spam comments, I made all my past entries friends-only. Sure, I could up my privacy levels, but I've become less excited about livejournal, about all my thoughts being all terribly-written and terribly-terrible and all over the internet, so, like the Great MySpace Desertion of 200whenever, I am locking this down as well. If you want to be my friend and aren't yet, I'm probably cool with it. Stay awesome!